Para Kay B by Ricky Lee book review and a memory

It took me 3 days to finish this book but it would have only been a day if I didn't have to go to work.

It was given to me as a Christmas gift by one of my co-scholars and I'm thankful because I would not have bought this book, let alone hear about it, if it wasn't given to me because I'm not a fan of reading Tagalog books.

I don't have anything against them. I just like reading English books more.

So as you can see, this book is really special.

If you're into screenplays or theater acting, you'd really appreciate this book. I saw myself turning this into a play and directing it on-stage in every flip of  a page. It's a timeless piece, very significant and relatable. The author takes you from one world to another effortlessly without making you go "WTF! This is crazy!" because it works. It makes sense.

Lee's imagination is divine.

What really hit me was the first chapter. Lee woke a memory in my heart that I've been trying to put to sleep and avoiding for years. So this is me writing about it, trying to face it. Here goes nothing...

We've all had our first loves and yes, like how others put it...my first love never died.

In case you didn't know I used to always be the "crush ng bayan" everywhere.

Haha. The world was crazy, then.

I was THAT girl everybody had a crush on.

One Valentine's Day in La Salle (and since kids were rich there) I arrived to school only to see my desk overflowing with flowers from so many random classmates/secret admirers.

Let's fast forward to recess, shall we.

I reached under my desk for my wallet and found a letter underneath. I opened the letter and it were stickers of bears, flowers and a sweet and brief Valentine message. With that letter was a plastic flower - one you usually see decorated in a vase in the center table at homes.

Anyway, cupid for some reason played with my heart. He made that plastic flower special and the rest of the real flowers surrounding my desk irrelevant.

From then on, LOVE came alive. They called it puppy love. I called it true love.

BLAH BLAH. Things happened. Sweet, happy, memorable and fun things...

When 'the plastic flower guy' and I got separated, there was no closure and we had no control over destiny. I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to. I had to stop schooling and move to a further place. It felt like life wanted me to forget him but my heart couldn't. We lost all channels of communication and I never heard from him again. No efforts to call me.

I defended him against myself, believed that he wouldn't be able to call me because there's no way that I'd be reached by anyone, from my end. My mobile phone was pawned.

I was foolish to think that maybe like me, he was also thinking of a way to reach me again.

Years have gone and I've tried my very hardest to live by...never forgetting his home phone number and his voice, and how he told me that one day if we'd meet again, he'd still love me - that he would marry me and we'd live happily together.

I juggled coping with the trials my family was going through, peer pressure, and missing him so badly. Then, I didn't care about time and proximity. The thought of knowing that I'd be with him again someday made me stronger.

Then, I never knew promises could be broken.

If only he knew how excited I get when I see payphones. I've tried, only Lord knows how hard, other ways to hear his voice again but payphones were just the easiest.

Days, months, and years later of distance and no communication, Lord gave me the opportunity to have 5 pesos in my wallet, and a quiet payphone in the mall waiting for me to use it.

So I called him.

When he answered the phone, my heart was so happy!

I chuckled, said "you haven't changed a bit." He answered, "I've changed a lot." I was so excited that I hardly noticed... how bored his voice was.

My heart dropped. I panicked. I didn't know what to say anymore. It was like he was instructing me to end this less than a minute conversation which I have been dreaming for for over a year. I immediately composed myself, tried to maintain the high energy I had when the conversation started (which was obviously not there anymore) and said, "Okay... Sige, baka marami ka pa ginagawa." A little more bye-byes then my heart dropped with the call.

I cried and cried when I got home from the mall. I should have ended that illusion then and there but no, my heart had to play with me first... I was still foolishly in love with 'the plastic flower guy'.

Another year later, I went with a friend who needed to do stuff in La Salle and there I saw him again in person. I'm not sure if he didn't recognize me or he just didn't care about me anymore. I was hurt so bad. But I went with "maybe he just didn't recognize me." Stupid, right?

I kept dreaming of the day we'd meet again. More years passed and Facebook was invented. I got super excited when I finally found his profile! But after 2months of being Facebook friends, he got into a relationship.

Again, I cried and cried and cried then finally, my illusion ended.

I'm still trying to live by. I'm happy for him. I have a boyfriend right now and he makes me happy.



Anyway, back to the book. It made me realize that I'm capable of that kind of love. The book made me dig into a part of me I've been trying to avoid for so long.

It's nice to know that I'm not alone - that a fictional character felt the same level of hurt I did. It makes me feel better. In a weird way, it really does.

And hey, even if love devastates you, you will survive.

Wish List 2011

This is the first time I'm making a wish list. Let's see what happens.

1. Sequined blouse (Gold or Silver)
2. This huge oval, jeweled ring or this 2-in-1 cross ring or any accessory from Forever 21.
3. Letterman Jacket
4. Book: Sweet Valley Confidential Ten Years Later
5. Daily Planner (Not Weekly)
6. Thigh-high black stockings/socks (fence net, sheer, knitted, laced... anything but printed)
7. Any book. (Surprise Me)
8. Jewelry box/holder
7. Yellow V-neck blouse (Small/Medium. I prefer Small if it fits.)


Update: I got number 8, 7 and not exactly 2 and 5 but yeah, 2 and 5. :D

Facebook Timeline

As the line of The Social Network movie goes: "It won't be finished. That's the point. The way fashion's never finished." 

Read the complete article I wrote in this link.

The Only Josh

For me, you’re a leader more than a boss and a friend more than a mentor.

There is a heavenly purpose behind me meeting you. I like to believe I am a hungry learner, you are an unselfish maestro. We’re a match!

I know this isn’t the end of the road for our mentor-apprentice relationship and you know I don’t blog much but I just want you to know how grateful I am for all the knowledge you’ve imparted, for making me feel special because you let me in your life and for being an understanding and super fun leader.

More than a boss, you are a leader. You are an inspiration. I see you surrounded by all this negativity and mediocrity but yet you still manage to always work with whatever little was given to you and reach for the stars!

You’ve been through a lot but you already know all things works together for good for those who love God. And hey, it takes longer time to build a palace!

You remember my first few months? I know nothing but you took your time with me and brought the best out of me. For that I am truly grateful.  I entered this new chapter in my life, fresh from college, not knowing what to do. I was struggling and you directed me. You oriented me - from starting a work day to ending it - and because of that, there will always be a hint of JOSH in all my works until the end of my time. I am just so blessed to have a part of you with me. From the deepest part of my heart, THANK YOU for training me. You know how I always say “There is a purpose behind you training me”? Go with knowing that I shall not fail you.

During my first few months in GMA, people would always ask me, “So, how is Josh as a boss” and I would always say, “He’s the best boss ever.” and you’d always say “Of course you’d say that, I’m your first boss. I’m your only boss.”

Although you used to doubt my statement, I hope saying that I still stand by what I said one year and seven months later makes it more believable this time around. I have been exposed to a lot of bosses, managers and mentors throughout my life and you are genuinely one of a kind. You will ALWAYS be my leader.

I remember you telling me how much you hated the other Josh in the newsroom only because you’re so tired of turning your head around whenever he is called and you were joking around saying you’d kill all other JOSHes. Haha. Sir, there’s so many JOSHes in this world but you’re the only JOSH like you. I’m saying this for everyone else who knows you like I do —- You set such high standards that there will never be another JOSH in my life.

I am Anti-RH Bill

I am anti-RH Bill not because I want to be different but because this is what I personally feel is right.

Back in La Salle, sex education was taught to us as early as Fifth Grade. Actually, I vaguely remember them teaching this to us back in Grade 3 but details went down when in 5th grade.

Anyway, it did not in any way affect our moral values as Christian/Catholics or whatever religion/belief we have. It did not awaken any sexual urge. 


We were just kids for crying out loud!


Based on observation, almost all my classmates back in elementary don't have kids of their own yet. 

I believe being educated with sex education at a young age won’t affect a kid’s moral. Students are aware that whatever is being taught to them is for educational purpose only. I, for one, did not even know that it was ‘Sex Education’ until now, when everyone started creating such fuzz about it. Why the need to create a name? It can simply be an exploration of the reproductive system.

Children are innocent. It is not wise to corrupt their innocence or feed unnecessary and/or untimely wisdom to them.

The RH Bill contradicts itself in ways that cannot be seen.

We should focus on creating a more firm law. We can provide education and free contraceptives without passing this RH Bill.

Anony-mind

You will always be more stupid than the person you're calling stupid.

Telling you to 'go to hell' would be an insult to those who already burn in hell.

Your insecurities are my strengths. Your sorrow days were my glory. Your future is my present.

Does being bitchy make you happy?

It's sad how you need to make people less cool to feel cool.

Womanhood

It's scary. I've been thinking a lot about marriage and weddings this past few days. I figured maybe because I'm 22 and turning paranoid.

Seeing ideal couples in movies get married who fall deeply, crazily in love with each other really do f**k me up. They get me on a high. And then just when I'm all up there, reality snaps, then I fall.

I was proud of myself until this age of mine. Many girls start dreaming of how their wedding day would seem like the first moment they lay eyes on a bride. I bet they've been having quick dilemmas occasionally on what motif, what theme, and/or where should the wedding happen. I, usually, do not give a care. Nope! No reality checks. No day dreaming. No, nothing until now. I wasn't anti-marriage or anything like that - I just really didn't care.

Currently, I have a man in my life. Whether he is or is not 'the one' is a question I don't like facing.

Like everybody else, I just want to be happy for the rest of my life.

Have kids. Work for awhile. When I turn 50, retire. Clean and welcome my husband home after a day's work and take care of my kids. Cook breakfast, lunch, 'merienda' and dinner for them and occasionally visit my parents and in-laws whenever available.

But before anything else...before starting a new family, I want my family (de Jesus) to be all set and good before I let them go. I want my mother and father to have a wonderful place they can call their own. My older brother to have a stable job that he's happy to have and who's blessed to have him in return. A job that pays him more than enough so he can buy what he and the family he will be having what they need and want. And that may his wife and kids be both lovely and loving. Same goes for my younger brother but I wish to settle down before he does, of course. Also, my little sister to have a wonderful, clear career path.

What is the ideal age to get married? 28, I guess.

Having said all these, I go to my conclusion. "Being a woman sucks sometimes."

Caution

I'm not poignant. Not usually. I just sometimes need to rant.

Do not judge me based on what you read or what you partially see. I don't want to tell anyone how to live their life but what I'm saying is that, it makes more sense to not judge a book if you haven't read the whole of it yet, right?

I'm the type of person who easily forgets. If someone has wronged me in anyway, I forget through time. I don't hold grudges. I just need a moment to let out what I need to say at the moment. Give me time. It can only get better.

I'm open-minded. My opinion now can change later.

I weigh stuff. I think about things hard. I need time to think. Change is inevitable.

"Maybe I was wrong? Maybe our 'supposed' friendship just met during a bad time."

Just give me this. Hear me out if you can.