Para Kay B by Ricky Lee book review and a memory

It took me 3 days to finish this book but it would have only been a day if I didn't have to go to work.

It was given to me as a Christmas gift by one of my co-scholars and I'm thankful because I would not have bought this book, let alone hear about it, if it wasn't given to me because I'm not a fan of reading Tagalog books.

I don't have anything against them. I just like reading English books more.

So as you can see, this book is really special.

If you're into screenplays or theater acting, you'd really appreciate this book. I saw myself turning this into a play and directing it on-stage in every flip of  a page. It's a timeless piece, very significant and relatable. The author takes you from one world to another effortlessly without making you go "WTF! This is crazy!" because it works. It makes sense.

Lee's imagination is divine.

What really hit me was the first chapter. Lee woke a memory in my heart that I've been trying to put to sleep and avoiding for years. So this is me writing about it, trying to face it. Here goes nothing...

We've all had our first loves and yes, like how others put it...my first love never died.

In case you didn't know I used to always be the "crush ng bayan" everywhere.

Haha. The world was crazy, then.

I was THAT girl everybody had a crush on.

One Valentine's Day in La Salle (and since kids were rich there) I arrived to school only to see my desk overflowing with flowers from so many random classmates/secret admirers.

Let's fast forward to recess, shall we.

I reached under my desk for my wallet and found a letter underneath. I opened the letter and it were stickers of bears, flowers and a sweet and brief Valentine message. With that letter was a plastic flower - one you usually see decorated in a vase in the center table at homes.

Anyway, cupid for some reason played with my heart. He made that plastic flower special and the rest of the real flowers surrounding my desk irrelevant.

From then on, LOVE came alive. They called it puppy love. I called it true love.

BLAH BLAH. Things happened. Sweet, happy, memorable and fun things...

When 'the plastic flower guy' and I got separated, there was no closure and we had no control over destiny. I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to. I had to stop schooling and move to a further place. It felt like life wanted me to forget him but my heart couldn't. We lost all channels of communication and I never heard from him again. No efforts to call me.

I defended him against myself, believed that he wouldn't be able to call me because there's no way that I'd be reached by anyone, from my end. My mobile phone was pawned.

I was foolish to think that maybe like me, he was also thinking of a way to reach me again.

Years have gone and I've tried my very hardest to live by...never forgetting his home phone number and his voice, and how he told me that one day if we'd meet again, he'd still love me - that he would marry me and we'd live happily together.

I juggled coping with the trials my family was going through, peer pressure, and missing him so badly. Then, I didn't care about time and proximity. The thought of knowing that I'd be with him again someday made me stronger.

Then, I never knew promises could be broken.

If only he knew how excited I get when I see payphones. I've tried, only Lord knows how hard, other ways to hear his voice again but payphones were just the easiest.

Days, months, and years later of distance and no communication, Lord gave me the opportunity to have 5 pesos in my wallet, and a quiet payphone in the mall waiting for me to use it.

So I called him.

When he answered the phone, my heart was so happy!

I chuckled, said "you haven't changed a bit." He answered, "I've changed a lot." I was so excited that I hardly noticed... how bored his voice was.

My heart dropped. I panicked. I didn't know what to say anymore. It was like he was instructing me to end this less than a minute conversation which I have been dreaming for for over a year. I immediately composed myself, tried to maintain the high energy I had when the conversation started (which was obviously not there anymore) and said, "Okay... Sige, baka marami ka pa ginagawa." A little more bye-byes then my heart dropped with the call.

I cried and cried when I got home from the mall. I should have ended that illusion then and there but no, my heart had to play with me first... I was still foolishly in love with 'the plastic flower guy'.

Another year later, I went with a friend who needed to do stuff in La Salle and there I saw him again in person. I'm not sure if he didn't recognize me or he just didn't care about me anymore. I was hurt so bad. But I went with "maybe he just didn't recognize me." Stupid, right?

I kept dreaming of the day we'd meet again. More years passed and Facebook was invented. I got super excited when I finally found his profile! But after 2months of being Facebook friends, he got into a relationship.

Again, I cried and cried and cried then finally, my illusion ended.

I'm still trying to live by. I'm happy for him. I have a boyfriend right now and he makes me happy.



Anyway, back to the book. It made me realize that I'm capable of that kind of love. The book made me dig into a part of me I've been trying to avoid for so long.

It's nice to know that I'm not alone - that a fictional character felt the same level of hurt I did. It makes me feel better. In a weird way, it really does.

And hey, even if love devastates you, you will survive.